Everyone warns you during your pregnancy that raising a baby is going to be hard work, no sleep, and lots and lots of messes. I don't think I was naive to this, but it's one of those experiences where you have to see it and feel it to really understand. Let's put it this way, if those deciples praying with Jesus the night before He was crucified were half the tired me and my husband are, I guess I get why they fell asleep on Him. Sometimes I feel guilty because I have thought how nice it would be to fall and hit my head so I could, guilt free, go unconscious for awhile. Yeah, it's been that desperate. I think a lot of moms and dads could surprisingly agree. I have meet and talked with many parents, including my own, that live with fairly extreme guilt. Whether it was forgetting to say 'I love you' one night, or missing a baseball game, or even that fight that has left a huge scar; it has left them with a heavy heart. My parents fought when I was little, my dad and I butted heads on a daily occurance and we didn't always have the money to have the coolest clothes to wear to school. My mother was able to stay at home, while my dad worked. One day I told my dad in a casual conversation, that I never really remembered him going to work, it seemed like he was always at home to take care of us. I thought he was going to cry. It meant so much to him that the number of hours he spent with us didn't add up to the quality of the time. I remember being chased by the 'belly man' (dad would draw a face on his stomach and in a deep bellow voice say 'the belly man is going to get you!'), underwear hat parades, and riding on his back like he was a horse. I guess what I'm getting at is, what really mattered in the end was that I felt loved. It wasn't the number of hours, the arguments over what I thought was fair or not, or even my not-so-cool wardrobe. Getting my way all the time, cool clothes, and even spending days on end together with my father are not what raised me to be a happy individual. Love was. I live with so much guilt about leaving Liam to go to work. Some nights when I go home, he almost seems angry with me. I've been told this is normal for his age, but it really hurts when he pushes me away. I hope I'm doing it right. I hope Liam feels loved.
3 Comments
Kristin
1/14/2014 10:18:55 am
Thanks Jazmine, so excited for you and Keegan to have one of your own! Until then, you two enjoy your marriage!
Reply
Angela Smith
1/14/2014 01:12:43 pm
I have never in my life seen a happier baby than Liam. The way he laughs at everything and how tightly he hugs everyone. He is definitely one of the sweetest boys I know. There is no way he could be this way without knowing how much he is loved! So there is no way you should feel guilty?
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Kristin and DebbyWelcome to our new website! We are teaming up to bring more options and better coverage of your memories. Archives
December 2018
Categories |